Taking Weekend Tennis Seriously

I’ve done it. I’ve figured it out. I’ve finally realized what the ultimate goal for tennis players is. I understand now what kind of player we pay tens of thousands of dollars in our lifetimes for teaching pros to mold us into.

The reason why we want to be better tennis players, y’all, is not simply because it would be a neat thing.  It’s so we can be awesome enough players that we can take balls away from our doubles partners. The reason for wanting to improve at tennis, you guys, is so we can be so good we don’t give our doubles partners any more chances to mess up a point, a game, a set, a match than the absolute bare minimum.

Ta-dah!

Your doubles partner is not your friend. She is really not on your team. She cannot be trusted.  It is all a conspiracy.

Think about it.  You have absolutely no idea what kind of shot she’s going to hit. She doesn’t know what kind of shot she’s going to hit. She doesn’t even know how to hit the kind of shot she doesn’t know she’s going to hit.

How many times have you glanced back in confusion when a rally dies because your doubles partner simply dumped the groundstroke into the net? Or, walloped the ball over yonder to the fence?  Or, my favorite, whiffed it?  How many times have your shoulders drooped just a twinge (and then you remembered yourself and snapped them back into place) when you’ve worked hard to handcraft a point only for your doubles partner to volley the put away into the net, over the moon, or near enough to the opponents and without any power behind it so that the opponents are able to pop the ball back and keep the point going? How many times have you watched in dismay when you see the ball directed to your doubles partner because you know nothing good can come of it?

There are a few schools of thought on doubles partnership strategy out there. Some teaching pros will tell you that you want to be setting up your partner. When you’re at the baseline, you want to keep the ball in play with your crafty groundstrokes and give your doubles partner, who is at the net, opportunities to put the ball away.

My teaching pro says you want to set yourself up. You want to be worried about your own thing because that’s enough trouble as it is. Why would you concern yourself with the unknown element that is your partner and make winning tennis matches even more difficult?

Now my teaching pro didn’t explain the part about doubles partners really being an enemy in sheep’s (or identical team uniform) clothing because, I guess, I don’t pay him enough, but it’s okay. I’ve caught on. I’m in on the joke now.

Doesn’t this all make sense? Why in the world would someone invent a game in which your partner could be the reason why you lost a match and yet you guys are both docked for the loss? That person is mean.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, doubles is a team sport; nobody’s perfect and you lost points, too; how can you possibly say one person lost a match when you guys both made mistakes?

I think anyone who has actually played doubles knows exactly what I’m talking about. Nobody’s keeping track of who’s making the most unforced errors (or the much more subtle who’s causing you to be under duress and make forced errors), but you can tell.  You can always tell.

I cannot believe that we have all been initially duped into playing doubles thinking it was an equal partnership and that the person beside you is so nice and so innocent.  I don’t think I’m being extreme here, oh-no-not-at-all.  I cannot accept that someone created a game in which you could lose and feel so badly about how you played for days only to realize, a week later while you’re standing in line trying to decide between the chocolate glazed and double chocolate donuts, that you were not the problem. Your partner was.

Except, really, you were the problem. Because you are not good enough, yet.  You are naïve.

The point of being a better tennis player is for you to be so good that you can set yourself up and ensure that you, and only you, have access to the ball.  Or, you want to be so good that you can poach the ball and re-direct the attention of the point to yourself because dear-goodness-in-heaven you know that the more exposure your partner has to the ball, the lower the chances your team (“team”) has of winning the point.

When you become this good, good things start happening.  You win more points, so you win more games, and thus more…you get the idea.  AND, your partner will either feed off of this awesome energy that you are radiating and play well OR keep trying futilely to lose the match.  Because you are that good.

That’s the tennis dream, y’all.  Now you know.  Now you know.

My doubles soul mate will understand this dynamic and will understand she needs to be a better tennis player.  You know, for our doubles team’s sake.  We both have our roles in this partnership, and hers is to save our doubles team from myself.  These are the rules; I don’t make them up.